An old man a fraudsa and a pig

Ok why is it that when there's a free seat on the train the old people don't want to take, it like they're proving to themselves that they don't need it or something.

But the moment theres no seats they give u them im so tired im gonna die eyes,.

nothing was so evident as yesterday morning i was on the central line listening to cassie, not sleeping but gently resting my eyes. WHEN i was rudely awakened by a wrinkly warm body brushing past my head and landing on my lap.

The whole of his body was on me, well, bar his head, which was on the woman next to me. we had to propel him back to the vertical state which we usually assume on public transport. and he sat on the EMPTY SEAT next to me.

UhhhH-it really annoyed me coz he scared the fuck outta me.


got to work......

and i caught a fraudsa

i have an eye for them, as soon as they are in my presence they begin to illuminate and glow like that pulsating light that shines when u shut ur ibook/powerbook.

So got loadsa pats on the back-and felt all responsible and shit. which was shattered at around 11.30pm.


returning from emma's place[which i was minding while she was on holiday] i go pass the lights on becontree avenue and turn onto my road.

flashing lights alerted me to police so it was an innate response to simply pull over.
IT WAS THEN THAT THEY SURROUNDED ME
not 1, or 2 but 3 police cars surrounded my car, oh and one on a bike, just to make it all look pretty, rather Christmas-like.

they boxed me in like i was on the fucking run.

Then the chief pig rolled down his window

and i said "ELLO"

pig: "im gonna ask you a question. it has a right and wrong answer, and i want to here the right one"

me:"erH OK"

pig: "what colour was the light when u went thru it?"

me" amber, slowly turning to red"

PIG:"OK IM GONNA ASK YOU AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME THE WRONG ANSWER GET U BOOOOOKED"

me: "ok ok, it was red-but i live just thurr"

pig: "and you raced to get thru them didn't you"

me: "erH, im sorry"

pig: "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

and with that the big chief just drove off, and his merry men followed with the one on the bike shaking his fuckin head at me in disgust

THIS IS HOW IT IS THOUGH:
I WASNT DRUNK
NOR WAS I HIGH
I HAVE A FUCKING LICENCE
AND INSURANCE
MOT
ROAD TAX
AND I WAS IN MY OWN CAR
AND I JUST CAUGHT A FUCKING FRAUDSA

WHY THE FUCK R THEY HASSLING ME!!!!!! go find that drunk, not licence sex hungry illegal cabby, and leave me the hell alone for trying to get home!!